mhmskeet

Tue, 16 Mar 2010 02:05:51 GMT

this death thing never gets easier.
teenagers are dropping like flies.

four people i know have died in the past three years.

get well, youth. i love you all.

Tue, 23 Feb 2010 01:38:10 GMT

kat dennings pretty much keeps my life in check.

you know what i'm sayin.

my soul is worthless without you

Wed, 10 Feb 2010 00:28:42 GMT

'i've tried to tell you that you look beautiful everyday.'
awe. why?
'because i think every girl should have a guy who will do that for her.'
you don't have to tell me everyday.
'you are beautiful...everyday. regardless.'

i like that i see a different side of you than anyone else will ever know. it's like even though were together publically, i still have a secret part of you. it makes me feel safe.

some seek forgiveness...others escape

Tue, 19 Jan 2010 02:51:36 GMT

you brought dealers into my house. i threw up from being so uncomfortable.
i know i need to forgive you. but i need to punch you in the ballsac first.
you need to take care of your family.
you're too self centered to live any way but alone.
i know you cheated on her for a fact.

who have you become?

youll never step food in my room again

Sun, 17 Jan 2010 12:58:39 GMT

i am so so sorry. eventually i will forget your completely. you will only be a memory in those who remember you, and i probablly won't be one of those people. i am sorry. i always fuck up. i do nothing right, i can't even remember your anniversary. so sorry. but i know you will forgive me like i have forgiven you. because in order to get out of the labriynth, we have to forgive each other. if we don't, then we all might as well give up. like you did.

i forgive you. and i know you forgive me.

i'm sorry i am slowing forgetting you. i feel terrible. i feel like being self destructive, like i have very much recently and it's frightening. but i know everything will work out like it always does. like it would have if you stuck around. i would have helped you. i would have forgave you. i do forgive you. you forgive all of us because that's what we need to survive.

what's love got to do with it?

Sat, 02 Jan 2010 03:13:51 GMT

if i loved myself any more i would be concieted.
if i loved you any more i'd be whipped.

life without the weight of consequence is beautiful.
living without worrying about the future is brilliant.

two car accidents: no dents or casualties.
life's just sooooooooo good.

we knew it was your house by the projection of santa on the side of your house.

Wed, 23 Dec 2009 13:35:05 GMT

scotty - "holy fuuuuuck!"
turns around and walks away
me - "what..."
cami - "your hair."
me - "is it that bad?"
cami - "no, he probably just wants you more now."
me - "oh. boo."
walks back over
scotty - "ok. hi. i like your hair."
me - "thanks"
scotty - "did you dye it because you know i changed my appeal to blondes?"
me - "...yes. i changed my hair color because i wanted to make sure i could still piss you off."
scotty - "knew it."
me - "i dyed it because I wanted to blond! dumbass."
scotty - "well were gonna start headin back."
me - "you just got here!"
cami - "i've been here for a few days."
me - "then why am i only seeing you on your way home?"
cami - "because i know you, and us, were much better friends when we see each other as little as possible, but we still get to see each other."
scotty - "lovehate"
me - "good deal."

Wed, 23 Dec 2009 13:26:08 GMT

life isnt life without you.

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 23:41:52 GMT

nobody, no, nobody is gonna rain
on
my
parade.

if i am struggling at life, what does that make me?

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 01:42:26 GMT

i used to be told to "take only what i need"ed. it was in reference to love, sex, hugs, time, drugs, volume, art. i need to start taking what i need from this earth.
i used to only take the amount of love i needed to feel loved, not owned or smothered. enough sex to calm me down or make me feel pretty. hugs that make you feel warm enough to walk home alone and lie. enough time to understand what you're getting yourself in to. enough drugs to get away, to fly, to be in control. enough volume so you can't hear anything but your own thoughts, or sometimes, enough volume so you can be heard. and enough art to rack you mind, to make you think a little bit so you know you can think still.
it is a good concept but i executed it poorly.
i want to take enough love so i know i'm loved, but not to make whether or not i love myself. i want enough sex to know that yes, we are this close. i want enough hugs to feel a connection and i will never have enough time. drugs, i don't even know what i need on that yet. volume is obvious, to keep myself away from myself. and art to solve every problem i will ever encounter.
i need to take only the good comments, and enough of the bad to know there is bad but less bad so i know theres good.
i wish i was less cynical, i wish i thought about death less and that my life wasnt so passive. i wish i saw meaning in life. i wish i could continue to learn and teach myself to have imense knowledge, but not at the cost of my happiness. i guess that one i cannot have.
smart people aren't happy, they know what's going on.
i need to talk about everything but whenever the opportunity presents itself i never know what to say.
i don't think this is fair.
i never really was a happy person though.
i'm rambling.
i don't want to lower my participation in the world, but i need time for myself. before i get overwhelmed again.
i should be talking about my feelings instead of typing them out to an empty plastic box.
yeah, i got nothing.

i have become, comfortably numb.

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 02:08:29 GMT

this weeks gonna be shit. not the shit. a piece of shit.
remember that i'm your girlfriend. which means the first time i hear your voice in a day shoudln't be when youre asking me for drugs. no. is that strange or is it just me?

over, blocking it out. whatever
i'm going to read myself to sleep.

Sun, 29 Nov 2009 13:56:01 GMT

i over react. lawlz

Sat, 28 Nov 2009 15:43:46 GMT

i would have never gotten my motherfucking liscense if i knew you were just going tohold it over my head you motherfucking stupid ass fucking dick wad of a mother.
i feel more like your fucking maid than your daughter, more times than not. and i thought having the mother that you did you would understand how empty it makes me feel knowing that everything i do can be done better or is retarded in your eyes. you continuously piss me off and THAT is why i want to move out THAT is why i want to go to college far enough away where you'll see how nothing fucking gets done when i'm not around. i can't wait to see how miserable and overwhelmed you are when i'm gone. and i know you wont miss me. you'll miss how clean your how was or how you had someone to talk to about your fucking tinyass problems. i never have someone to talk to about anything mom. i hold everything inside becazuse i got to fucking sick to my stomach with how you would make everything i'm upset about or happy about into NOTHING. like your life is so goddamn perfect that i just fuck it up every chance i get. i dont want to hate you, but i will never be who you want and i cant ever make you happy. i'm always doing something fucking wrong aren't i.
god i cannot wait until i run away from this stupid fucking town and this retarded family and all these fucking chaotic messes. i hate this house and i hate our nonexistant relationship.
i'm blocking you out. completely. i will never tell you about my day. i will never tel you about my relationships or whats bothering me or anything else i know you will store away until you need it to make me feel bad.
fuck you.
good. i hope i pissed you off before you went to work. i hope your day is miserable and that you feel like shit the whole time youre there. i don't give a fuck about your feelings that same why you've never given a fuck about mine. i've always dont shit for you and made you happy which in turn made me fucking miserable. i'm. fucking. done. i hope you fucking disown me dumb bitch.

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 02:15:41 GMT

"this is a dream"
"what is?"
"this."
"am i in a coma?"
"no."
"good."
"if you ever end up in a coma i'll fly in and tell you this is all a dream and that you're just going to sleep for a while and when you wake up i'll be there."
"thank you. that's amazingly comforting."
"it's the true"
pinky promise to be there when you wake up. always.

it's fascinating how you know a person's exact taste. every square inch in a gram of pressure they exert on your lips. the way your lips will tingle for hours after words.
how theyll be red and full because they were worked out.
where somewhere between your's and mine there was an ours and we shared it.
not sex. never sex. no one ever sees how beautiful kissing is. an art, if you will.

beautiful

RE: complete randomness

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 01:37:26 GMT

i gauged my ears and am quite happy with the fact that my pain tolerance went down. (think whatever you will)
my hair is super faded and i'm not going to stop it from going blonde, maybe i'll like myself for everything i've been covering up.
i'm running out of coverup and i'm ok with it. despite my current lava face.
my personality shines.
i had a dream or more like a flashback of you and i in seventh grade, you never really smiled before me huh? i don't mean to ruin a secret, but i know it. we were adorable and i miss when we would sneak around behind the library and you would always indirectly call me pretty because god forbid you let me know you liked me. i miss it, but i wouldn't go back. i like our friendship now.
i don't need sex...
without necklaces i look kind of mature...
often...
i saw yooou. i hope you've changed. i kind of want to say hi.
how are you?
my caramel bear > your flavored bear
i lok good in white. it's kind of funny how i would look good in all-absence-of-color.
i'm almost well rested.
movie marathon tomorrow. sickie cuddling.
i can't wait to travel the world.
i have zelda eyes.
<3 world.

angerangerrantrantmananger

Fri, 25 Sep 2009 21:50:09 GMT

i am almost positive i hate my brother.

Dear female offspring:

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 23:13:59 GMT

i am sorry you will inherit my hairy toes, and i'm sorry i got mine lasered off so you will have to tackle this grotesque trait by yourself.
i also apoligize for your boobs. when you're 11 they're screw you over and you'll feel werid and hate me but in the future you'll love them. take my word on this.
and sorry i cook with a lot of salt and sugars. i hope i don't give you diabeetus and/or high chloresteral.
last thing, i have no iron in my body to spare to give you, so you'll probably need infusions, sorry dude.

& i could trip on how happy we could be.

Fri, 28 Aug 2009 22:33:17 GMT

come on let me hold you, touch you, feel you, always
kiss you, taste you, all night, always

things that matter are not easy. feelings of happiness are easy. happiness is not. flirting is easy. love is not. saying you're friends is easy. being friends is not.

I caught myself saying "Coo Coo Bananas"

Fri, 28 Aug 2009 01:29:02 GMT

At the end of the day; I am alone with the things that I have done.

CAMBRIDGE AHOY!

Sun, 09 Aug 2009 21:18:59 GMT

so i am back from a college visit. and i am beyond excited for my future now that it is all coming together. my dad let me drive all the way home and after that two and a half hour trek i'm sorry to say i won't be home every weekend like evryone wants me to be.
i love it there, its like i fit in with everything that surrounds me. the old brownstone faculty buildings and the vistorian resident halls and the beautiful old irish church. i belong there.
i wish i could talk about my future with someone that wasn't my parents. talking about my whateverihaveplanned with my boyfriend is weird because i know itll interfere with whateverhehasplanned and i know he wants to come along whereever i go but i dont want to hinder his own asspirations.
that is the school i want. i'll do the extra classes, studying, retaking tests and essay-writing if it secures my future in that school.
the future is scary and beautiful and crazy and not planned. but isn't the mystery half the fun? don't worry if you don't know what you want to be. your job title defines you as little as your last name, or your hometown, or even what you choose to wear.
don't worry.

Get Shit Done

Tue, 04 Aug 2009 14:53:38 GMT

-stop my excessive summer swearing
-stop messing with my hair, dye it brown and leave it alooooooone
-eat better, stop not eating or eating too much.
-spend more time learning, i know nothing about anything and it's a scary thing to think about. it just needs to be fixed.
-get a job to get money to get a car before it starts to snow.
-commitment commitment commitment
-say goodbye to friends that are going away to college but make sure to keep in touch. for the most part.
-give up on stupid, drunk, smoking old friends. i need to not associate with them
-learn about my religion. regain my faith because somewhere along the road i lost it.
-be a better person. i'm not sure what i mean by this i just always say i need to be a better person. so i guess the correct thing to put in this space would be "learn what it is to be a better person"
-stay smart and don't slack off because i'm lazy. overcome my procrastination and lazyness
-stop wasteing time watching tv and laying around. whenever i want to do nothing i'll read.
-get to the library and get the 56 books on my list that i've been wanting to read.
-finish driving school within the next two weeks. that's just pure determination.
-stop letting the past and everything i was hinder on what i want to become. embrace that it's over, not dwell that it happened.

THINGS I HATE CONTINUED:

Fri, 29 May 2009 18:59:17 GMT

-reality shows
-new york (the chick)
-new york (the place)
-people who don't finish their thoughts
-rachel ray
-see-saws
-bump it's
-tH!$
-paint splatters as "art"
-people who speak in texting lingo
-missing $1 sandal day at old navy
-diet dr. pepper
-hairy toes
-sighing
-ipod shuffles
-dr phil's facial hair
-any wrestlers that can after 2002

*note* argyle was of and relating to any typer ex:sweaters, sweater vests, little shirts you put on dogs, hand bags, scarves, gloves, shoes, socks etc.

THINGS I HATE

Thu, 28 May 2009 00:23:59 GMT

-lavander dresses
-drawn on eyebrows
-"team effort"
-computer viruses
-making words plural
-plans falling through
-the spelling of "stephen" as "stephon."
-series finales
-any child star from disney
-straight hair
-push up bras
-dogs that don't bark
-tans
-fake eyelashes
-feet
-gel
-clowns
-argyle sweaters
-recent music
-chinese nail artists
-calling soda "pop"
-all polos

Wed, 27 May 2009 22:58:15 GMT

So today, I had plans...they fell through like they almost always do. So I've learned not to get overly upset about it.
BUT I DIGRESS!
So I was almost bored to tears, and I decided that on account of my well-being I HAD to find something to do. What is it? I decided to clean my hard drive and delete programs on my computer.
yes...i have so few options of human interaction i defragmented my hard drive for kicks.
but hold on, it gets better.
i then decided i needed to catch up on reading. thus, i pulled out my fantastic four comic books and went at it like a starving african towards ham.
i know that this has a sarcastic overtone, but do not let that fool you, i enjoyed myself completely.
oh! i also managed to yank off all my acrylic tips that i was trying to keep on until saturday. that did not work.
tomorrow i am off to new york so be bus buddies with matt until we venture to ellis island.

i'm set on watching v for vendetta and making more comics of chewy in various humorous situations. so far he has been a superhero, pirate and anchorman.

i have a bug bite on my lip. my lip i say! i'm hyper with a bug bite on my lip and no ice cream.
a trek to stop and shop is in order.

loves.

Sat, 23 May 2009 14:46:21 GMT

So in only a few hours i will be all dressed up and heading off to prom. (meh) not that i don't want to go, but i'd rather get dressed up just because, i guess we'll see how this whole thing turns out.
my mom also wants me to spend ALL my night at post prom. how about, no. i'm gonna go spend like an hour and a half there, call my dad to come pick me up and then go to my boyfriend's house.
tyler didn't buy a ticket to post prom.
he's dumb, that's that.
so i lied. i'm not doing anything too significant to my hair.
here's a story:

i was sitting on my floor and my mom kept calling me, pissing me off, bothering me about what i was going to do with my hair for prom. telling me i should do some weird braid thing, or flip it back or bump up the from. my answers were as follows: 1) my head's fat, a braid will show of my bulging cheeks and purtruding chin. 2) if i flip back my hair, i'll look dirty. nuff said. 3) i count how many girls wear bump its, no.
don't get me wrong, i like the way i look, i think i'm pretty pleaseing to the human eye, i just don't like trying. i hate feeling obligated to try when i'm actually fine with the way i look when i first wake up. why not go like that? it's not fancy. why is prom fancy? to make us feel important. why do we need some fancy shinding to feel important? WELL, we are all teen angsty and need to have pounds of makeup on our faces, our hair done, and a dress that costs more than a car, so feel even slightly attractive.
i, don't need that. and i believe i have a right to take pride in that fact. but i fail yet again becuase i know i am going to put on mascara and maybe some lip gloss, pull half my hair back, ring dance style, and put on my dress. then return home to put on tiedye and jeans to go to post prom.
whatever.
i totally glazed over my story. i'll get back to that:
so after i had that whole controversy in my head as i was on my floor, i decided to humor my mom and curl my hair just so i can show her and be like " this is what i'm doing." so i did that, went to the vanity and looked at my hair. (which took about an hour, mind you) MY HAIR LOOKED EXACTLY THE SAME CURLED AS IT DID WHEN I DID NOTHING TO IT.
i like myself. so i'm going to prom as myself but a little cleaner.
shaved too. that'll be nice.

i think that's all i got for now. expect a weird entry by monday. i can feel it brewing.